So What?

Tracker continues to message me. Hmm, I deleted him off my msn a week ago, so I've been ignoring him for a while and now....he still continues to talk to me. He asked me if I would like to go to his friend's cottage on the long weekend. I said sure. Oh but I have plans, plenty of plans. I now know the truth that I didn't know last week, so I move forward with little smirks, evil grins, and repetitive chuckles. MUhahahaha. Oh poor Tracker, I'm sorry to say but I don't think I'll show any mercy for you as much as my heart would like to, but this one is for womenkind. GIRL POWER!

Missing Kitties

My cat went missing on thursday night. That was all I needed, a missing fucken cat! I love Dancer (my cat's name) and she's like my baby, really. She is the smartest cat that I've ever known and will come to knowing because she is mine until death do us apart. So any men out there who are interested in me...I do have baggage. Anyhow, I had trouble sleeping both nights well more on friday night because I happened to get a fever as well. Every hour throughout the night I would wake up and look out the window to see where my cat could be. In my hell of a condition I made 70 flyers on saturday and distributed about 6 flyers to 6 houses before I felt like I was going to die. I would have loved to distribute all 70 but I needed to go and rest. So about 4 hours later, I got a phone call and Dancer was found! woohoo, that really cheered me up more than anything in a little while has. Went to pick her up, brought her home and gave her a bath and much love!

Broken Telephone

I am pissed. Why? Because dear Vanessa got this guy from Egypt to remodel our website. He sent over the rough layout and asked me what I think about it. Well, it looks horrible! All the tabs were on top, in freaken nursery colours! It was a layout in which I would annonce the birth of my child not use for my current website theme. So when I was asked what I think about it, I said well there could be some changes in the colours because I happen to be anal about it. Well supposedly this guy got all offensive and said that my comment was hurtful. Why? Because I used the term 'anal' and I guess it's inappropiate. I forgot I'm dealing with men, which are boys. Like how can a man take that to heart? I'm sorry but the colours are a little off...geez. Our layout is much better than the one he introduced anyways. It seems as though the more we try to make the layout better, it continues to get worse and worse!

Pregnant EXes

One of the first things that will cross a woman's mind when her and her hubby break up is whether she may be pregnant or not. Hey, it's even happened to me! Not the pregnant part...the thinking part! Because the worst thing to have to do is call the guy and say, yeah by the way I'm pregnant . He would hate it, you would hate it. What I would hate most is the fact that I'm having the guy's kid. Now that would be devastating. I've slept with pretty hot guys that I wouldn't mind my kids looking like them, however, it's just the fact that it is going to be a bastard child that sucks. The poor thing didn't come from a loving home, it came from college boys and girls that wanted to fuck...yup hardcore.

Men are from Mars

I just realized men are a whole different paradox...one that will forever remain a mystery. I am absolutely 100% sure that it will be IMPOSSIBLE to ever figure them out. Like, I don't even want to try....it's really out of my hands at this time and will leave that to someone else like Hana. It'll take her a long fucken while to catch up...Hana, if you do end up reading this, I am sorry but it's true (all out of love). Yeah, my suggestion is to have fun and if the one comes along then he does but women of the world make sure you don't settle for anything less because we deserve the fucken BEST!

Dear April

So the summer has arrived. What does this exactly mean?

Well for one, it means that I have absolutly nothing to do with my time other than to partying, do drugs and have my sex. Hmm, why must I place it in such a vivid format? Well because I can lie to others but when it comes down to it....this is what summer is all about for a hot 20 year old female. Well, it seems as though somehow I've found my way back into writing in my blog...yes well, I hope those who view it without me wanting them to view it, have stopped viewing it and those who view it and I still don't want to view it....well it leaves me no choice. If you really want to know that badly about my life...well here it is, I won't cover it up anymore. This is what I deserve...not you...but me...so hopefully you'll be in for a heck of a ride. These past few weeks have been absolutely crazy....so many events have occured that I don't know where to begin! Let's begin with the outmost latest event. Tracker went back to his hometown, which I happened to mapquest last night and it is far....so I'm not going for a visit...and since I'm not going for a visit...all sweet and lovely things must come to an end. Bye dear Tracker....you will always have a place...somewhere...in my..body. Okay, now that, that is over...let's move on to bigger and better things...oh wait...there is none. According to my calendar...I'm in my 'pms mode'. So let's discuss an important fact about life: secerts;



Why do people keep secrets? why? Is what we've done that bad? Is it worse than committing a murder than raping the dead body...unless that is your secret! But really, it seems as though I just don't give a fuck about secrets. Yes, I am a naughty bastard at times but hey why live in denial when you can live in full truth? I don't know exactly what is special about keeping stuff away from everyone else. I see life as something to be celebrated and shared. The only people one should keep secrets really from is family...because that could be trouble! Yes, you don't want you're family knowing how many sexual partners you've had and why you lost your virginity when you were only 14. Those things really don't need to be discussed.

Don't Fornicate

Last night was the last bash of the year. It was held at Mass's place. I got extremely high off this joint that was rolled and everyone was busy getting ready, so I smoked it by myself, after smoking it, I drank plenty. Had over 10 jello shooters and more coolers. Anyhow it was after the drinks that my dear friend Mark came into the room holding a zip lock bag filled with pills. Yes! There were blue ones and green ones. I wanted to take the green one and so I did. It was good before it kicked in. I started freaking out because I was drunk before I took it so knew the outcome wouldn't or couldn't be the greatest. After about an hour later, I got all emotional. At one point I was alone with Mass and I was sobbing because I didn't want him to leave. For about an hour, I held onto Mark's hand because the comfort was really needed....yes the night was then occupied with taking lines of blow...what have I done to myself? Hmm, the question that lies here is do I say yes to drugs or do the drugs say yes to me? Maybe it's this way for the better?

I am the Easter Bunny

Saturday: Spent the whole entire day just sleeping, boy did it feel so good!

Sunday: Woke up early, went for a bike ride, then a jog, then I prepared myself for an Easter Lunch being held at Tyler's father's place (Tyler is my bro-in-law) There was an easter hunt and alot of wine drinking! They have this apple wine that is made local and it was amazing. I'm going to buy me a dozen!

Alright, since I am not too sure of who reads my blogs anymore and my thoughts are getting more personal in which I think no one has the write to read. I'm going to stick to my paper and pen from now on. I'm sorry but it seems that this online journey must come to a stop.

As I see it...It's my life, don't you forget.

Good Friday

Thursday happened to be Hana's birthday! woohoo, yes we are getting old. It was a lovely day, left in the early hours of the morning since my sister was my form of transportation. There were many highlights of the day so here it goes;

1. went to visit our old high school. One of our teachers happened to pass along his digits and said we should give him a call. He later asked what is it that we are going to do...And when we mentioned that we knew he had a girlfriend, he stated it would all be good on the down-low
2. We went to Chester Lee, known for it's high volume of drugs and whores. We went to pick up some Mary Jane, when we bumped into a man by the name of 'Beans', let us not forget to mention that he said, "I wanna get cha'yall"....sure Beans, whatever you say.
3. We then placed the goodies in a shisha, in which we offered to Hana's mom without her knowing. Yes, it was my idea, Muhahaha.
4. We went to a bar, where we met some interesting fellas, it was later that we hit Joe's (Club)...it was here that we got pretty darn smashed.
5. If you hadn't known before then you know now...Subway trains do in fact have horns, we should know since we got honked at....For what reason? Take a look for yourself!
6. Went to Speaker's corner. What was said and done will only be televised if appropriate. All I remember is me hating on white sluts. Yeah, it's true.
7. Spent a good five minutes sitting on the streets of downtown Toronto. Just wanted to know how it felt like to be homeless...or I was just pretty drunk.
8. Went to Hana's place in one peace- we must do it over again soon!!!!

Woke up Friday and decided to take the Go Bus home. Did that, got some sleep, went to visit Mass, and at night, I went over to Tracker's place, where he offered me a delicious brownie. Oh and it was an extremely special brownie as well. With M&M peanuts and hash.

Mr.Got me Obsessed

I told dear Tracker that we needed to talk. he responded in a "uh oh this can't be too good". Basically, I didn't even get to finish my question before he interupted. I was pretty much in question of whether our relationship was purely based on sexual pleasures (which we haven't gotten that far) or was it more. He gave me the best answer without really giving me an answer. He said, "Well, I can't say anything since whatever I say will not be a good enough answer for you if we discussed this before." And it's true, what is it that I'm wanting to hear from him? Just to make myself relax but I would still have it hard to believe anything he'd say to me. He is a gentleman, a gentleman who is not driven only by his sexual desires.

Monsieur Tracker

Dear Tracker,

I really like you. In fact, I like you plenty. In fact, I want to see you like right now. You say I should be more assertive but I think you should be more assertive. I guess in a sense we are alike too much...Wanting more from the other person. I enjoy spending time with you but feel that we are spending our time doing things that other couples would not necessarily do. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy what we do, but other's don't think it's 'normal'. What I really want to know is how much effort I should place into this. See, the risk is large. If I really start liking you, in which I don't think will take much longer, then I don't know how much good it'll do me. So I guess the only reason why I wouldn't want to pursue anything is because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I, in the end, will be the one hurt. Because, the gentleman that you are, I could never hurt you. I haven't seen a flaw in you and I think your absolutely magnificent.

Around the WorLD

I am completely lost in sense of time. I have lost so much sleep over the past few days, it's been hectic, This is how the events unfolded to the best of my recollection.

Wednesday: Don't recall much, just did a lot of school work then went to Mass's where he made me watch his snake pray on two mice.

Thursday: Woke up extra early, 5am, to finish an essay. Smoked my first joint at 8:30 am. Hana came to Oshawa, we smoked then went to Mandarin with Mass and Mark. After we went back to Mass's and smoked out of the viporizer. Then we went home, where I wore my boots and we walked to Trackers, while smoking a nice joint. We came back to realize that Hana lost her stash. Before Hana went home and I went out to Rim Rock (club) my bro-in-law asked me if we were missing some pot. lol. Extremely high at this point, I didn't know whether I heard properly, he then repeated himself, saying "yeah, you heard me, you lost your pot", lol. I was so high I actually replied, "umm yeah actually" lol, where in response he said, "you want me to give it to you now?", the funny part was that in response, I said, "Um, hold on to it for now" LOL. I told him to hold on to my pot and give it to me later, Gosh its gonna be embarrassing to ask for it when I want to smoke it. I got so fucked out of my mind, I couldn't keep my eyes open. Drank so much at the club, bumped into many friends, but didn't get to chat much since I was pretty darn fucked.

Friday: Brother's wedding day. Woohooo. I woke up feeling absolutely exhausted. It was raining, it was pouring, so I took a cab home. Got home, had to change and look nice for the big day. And yada,yada, yada. The day was good, the food was good, the best was my fortune cookie, that read:

"You will see the great pyramids of Egypt."

So I came back home around 11pm, soooooo exhausted, I could sleep standing up. I then decided to go to sleep, because I was sincerely was having "lack of". I woke up around 12:30, when I then started talking to Tracker. He asked me if I would like to come over and watch a movie, so I said I'd be there in an hour. Around 2am, I was offered a brownie by dear Tracker. About an hour and a half later, I had difficulties standing up. I fell asleep, and before I knew it, I woke up to realize it's 3:30 pm. Saturday afternoon. Tracker and I had our time together before I went home for 6:00pm.

Mic-Ro *scoped*

Dreamt last night that I was holding a microphone. This is what it meant...
Microphone

To see a microphone in your dream suggests that you need to make be
more assertive. Voice your opinions more strongly and make your views known.

I was having a conversation about the term "assertive" with Tracker last night. He told me that he wanted to be assertive half the time, which in this case, he wanted me to be more assertive. But I feel that he should be more assertive and now my own subconscious has turned against me. Okay but I am not used to enforcing myself upon someone else. I will try to be more assertive, but exactly how more assertive can I be??

I checked my horoscope today...How relevant it is to my life is unbelievable!
Here it is...

What you face is not as troublesome as what you fear. But past difficulties are making you apprehensive. That was then and this is now. And the "now" is looking much better, than it ever did. A positive new development will dispel your anxieties.

Giving it all Back

I've been pondering...Life is on the fast lane and things need to be slowed down. The more I look at other people, the more I want to make sure I don't think like them. Money hungry, power driven people who won't ever settle for simplicity. I am in debate with myself at times. I would love to take a year off and make a difference now. I don't want to finish up my school and then begin it because I know then I won't be able to and will have other responsibilities. My preference will be mostly one-on-one work. I'll be of assistance to those only in need and will not help companies that are just too cheap to hire people.

I enrolled in my summer courses. I guess I'll go to summer school and maybe that'll keep me somewhat busy. I am also ready to start a job again. Something stupid and simple. I don't want to fuck myself over too badly.

Well, almost finishing my 2nd year, which means I'm going on my 3rd, which means this university career is well on its way of ending soon. Just 2 more years to go! But the question lies...Then what am I going to do with my life?!

Walking on Sunshine

I went to a formal with my dear Tracker.

He is amazing. Each time I see him, the more I seem to like him. We went to his Frat formal last night. Nice classic restuarant. We were heading out for a smoke break when I saw an ex of mine. He happened to be working there and I didn't even have to introduce him to Tracker, because they already happened to know each other. I didn't mention anything. After the formal, we headed back to Tracker's place. It was there when a 8 gram joint of hash was rolled. Oh that was very very good. It took an hour to actually smoke it though. There was this one girl there that was flirting with Tracker with me right there. At some point I wanted to punch her in her face and thought that was strange since I never really have those types of thoughts. Was I perhaps being jealous? Nah, I think I just didn't like her. She made herself seem like a slut. The rest of the night was something I just can't describe. Tracker is beyond words.